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Some Thoughts on Santa
--Guest editorial by Trish

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth,
but I believe he's a she. Think
about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm,
fuzzy, nurturing, social deal,
and I have a tough time believing a
guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men
don't even think about selecting gifts
until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they
always seem surprised to find only
Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and
mood rings left on the shelves. On
this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the
universe would wake up Christmas
morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet
under the tree, still in the shopping bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would
be getting there. First of all, there
would be no reindeer because they would
all be dead, gutted and strapped on to
the rear bumper of the sleigh amid
wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck
season had been extended. Blitzen's rack
would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID still
have reindeer, he'd also have the
transportation problems because he would
inevitably get lost up there in the
snow and clouds and then refuse
to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead
than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is
threatened...having to be seen with all
those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique
to be described, even in jest, as
anything remotely resembling
a "bowl full of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings
unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would
seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas
would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact other mythical
holiday characters are men:

-Father Time shows up once a year unshaven
and looking ominous. Definite guy.
-Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
-Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could
pass the testosterone screening test.

But not Santa!!!!

Trish and Perot.

P.S Naw-Santa's a man-would a woman ever think of this?--Allan
P.P.S. I lied, this editorial is plagiarized almost verbatim from http://www.debsfunpages.com/santa2.htm!--Allan

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Farm Report

Had another drought this year and it's extended way into the fall and winter. When we have nothing better to do we go down and watch the pond drop lower and lower. It's getting serious. Hasn't been anywhere near this low since it filled. Fish are starting to get nervous. If it drops any lower we'll have to downgrade it from pond to puddle. If we don't get some rains this winter we may have to commit fishing with serious intent this spring. Wouldn't want to see them go to waste. Garden did OK. Only really bright note is that Trish's war on the thistles is progressing well.

The bees are history. The remaining hive bit the dust last winter. What the wax moths didn't get, the mites did. Might try again when we move over there.

Perot Report

Perot has been Perot. He's scraped up enough (I suspect by scaring the neighborhood school children out of their milk money) to take a few acting lessons and has been appearing in community theater.

Home Report

We had an another pre-Christmas snow this year, though not nearly as heavy as last year's. We had beautiful autumn colors clear into December. I would say the weather has been quite nice except we so desparately need the rain. Our eldest girl, Accord, left home this year. Made us kind of sad to see her go but the lost was tempered by our new arrival, TheLegend. Seem to have writer's block this year, can't think of much to say, the year's a blur, maybe it's the big A coming on. Actually did a bit of traveling this year. Went out to visit friends in Colorado for several days. That was nice.

Anyone passing this way is always welcome to drop in and sit a spell. Hope you all have a merry Christmas and a wonderful holiday season and we wish you all the best for the coming year.

Allan	a7t@mmind.net
Trish	paweb46@yahoo.com
Perot	pea_rot@yahoo.com